But I'm Not Dead Yet

I started this blog for a few reasons. If I am to be completely honest, the main reason was envy. My friend and former roommate Mr. Whiting, was a guest commentator on his friend’s flashy blog.* I was jealous of the creative outlet, and like most lawyers, thought that I had all kinds of interesting options to share with the interwebs.

Unfortunately, I was also painfully aware of how far my writing skills lagged behind my law school classmates. I figured that the easiest way to improve my written prose would be to find a “fun” writing activity that I could enjoy on a regular basis. The MN Life was a great vehicle for this kind of needed self improvement.

Once the ball was rolling, I enjoyed the diversion from mundane legal writing. No fact checking, boring research, or blue-booking. It was also a frequent in class mental-vacation. If one of my law professors was off on a tangent, rambling needlessly, I could tune him or her out and bang-out a quick post.

Then law school ended, most of my blogging-motivation stayed behind with it. But I felt compelled to keep posting. I had started something that I was proud of, and it seemed like a shame to let The MN Life die.

But as you can see, if The MN Life isn’t dead it’s fair to say it has been in a coma for quite a while. Consider this post the equivalent of my beloved blog blinking its eyes. I maintain hope that a full recovery is possible.

But chances are, life** will again get in the way. But I and my blog still have a pulse, and will not go quietly into the night. Will there be periods of silence, absolutely. But expect, at the very least, sporadic posts.

* My envy has since been completely justified. 'Duk is now a bonafide professional blogger for Yahoo Sports.
** and laziness

Happy Valentines Day!

If you've got someone... be thankful.

If you don't... be thankful.

If Stallone Can Do It...

In my opinion, Harrison Ford can make Indiana Jones moves for as long as he can walk. I can't wait to see Dr. Jones again this summer. "Dun-dun-DAH, dun-dun-da... dun-dun-DA-dun-DAH, dun-da-da-dah-dah."

General Butt Naked...

When I first saw the story headline "Gen. Butt Naked, Liberian ex-rebel leader, confesses to killing thousands" I thought it was some kind of joke. Sounds more like a pornstar or WWF name than that of a depraved, ruthless killer. Curious about how an African warlord got such a name, I read the story.

Turns out General Butt Naked's came by his name honestly. His army would charge into battle, yep you guessed it... naked. While it is wrong on a number of levels to make light of mass murder, I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit at the thought of hundreds of armed men charging through a jungle completely naked.

The general sent his soliders into battle naked to "terrify the enemy." Again, not to make light of vile atrocities, but I don't think terror would be my first reaction to hundereds of butt naked soliders running at me... at least not until they got really close.

It's Called a Joke, Father

I'm not a big Kathy Griffin fan, but I found this very funny. I really have to wonder why anyone would take anything she says seriously. WWJD? He would laugh, because I'm sure the Savior of the world has a sense of humor... or at least I hope he does.

Oh Won't You Remedy My Posting-Malaise Ms. Kersten

I know I haven’t posted in a while. It’s not that I don’t have any useless ranting to do, only that the new job is taking up gobs of my precious time. I sit at a keyboard all day, most days, and I rarely have the desire to bang away on one when I’m at home. Plus it is waaaay more fun to play Guitar Hero than write blog posts. But enough with the excuses, and on with the ranting.

I’m not going to lie; the guilt from my long absence had been weighing on my mind. I had been trying to think of worthy post topics. I thought I could tell y’all about my recent debaucherous golf trip to Phoenix. But sharing the trip through a blog post would be a lot like showing people a slide show of a vacation. Nobody really cares, but most people would politely read it. I don’t want to be that guy.

Then I thought about the old stand-bys, Bush-bashing, YouTube video filler, or silly hypothetical questions. Nope, not feeling any of those. I needed just the right kind of topic to recharge my posting batteries. And then I saw it…

Like a bolt of lightning, on StarTribune.com, my old friend Katherine Kersten’s article “Forget football, U's SHADEy condom brings home the big prize” smacked me across the face. My posting vigor was restored. There is nothing that gets my blogging juices going like a Kersten collum.

As I read it, all I could think was ‘is she serious?’ Is Katherine really ripping the U of MN’s proactive efforts on sexual health? Is she really being that obtuse? I know she’s conservative, but give SHADE a break. They are doing their best to deal with the realities of college life, thereby directly reducing the number of unplanned pregnancies, and indirectly reducing abortions. Can’t a conservative like Katherine get on board with that?

I’m sure that Ms. Kersten thinks abstence is the only acceptable way to teach sex-ed. But let us be realistic for a moment. College aged kids will and do have sex. Even college aged kids at bible colleges do and will have sex. No amount of hoping and wishing will change that. Most logical people realise this. Those same logical people typically conclude that it is a good idea to make condoms widely available to protect students (and society) from the consequences of unprotected sex.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was in college. I can assure you, and Ms. Kersten, that I never had sex because I was given a free condom. It’s not like I was a pure innocent U of MN student that was suddenly turned into a sex-crazed animal when SHADEy handed me a package with 3 condoms and a tube of lube. No, I, like most college men, was already sex-crazed. Free condoms or not, most guys (and some ladies) are looking to hook-up any chance they get.

I find it laughable that Kathrine insinuates that SHADEy, or those brave students who seek to educate their peers, have the effect of increasing sexual activity on the U of MN campus. Conservatives often criticize liberals for being unrealistically utopian. But the fact is, if Ms. Kersten truly believes that the U of MN would be better off without SHADEy, she’s completely lost touch with reality.

One of the Funniest Things I've Seen In a Long Time

Warning: not work friendly. For your viewing pleasure... Power Thirst:

Luck, Luck-i-ty, Luck, Luck, Luck

7-7-07 was one of the most popular days ever for weddings. Now either there were a lot of grooms-to-be looking for an easy to remember aniversary date, or people believed that the date will bring them luck. Which I think is a little odd. How much different could 7-7-07 have been from 7-14-07? Will the same people try to plan the birth of their first born on 8-8-08?

A little more than a week and a half ago, it was Friday the 13th. I don’t believe in supersitions, generally.1 But the mere fact that many rational adults believe that Friday the 13th is unlucky makes me nervous. Because I do believe that people typicallly get what they expect.

Having spent numerous hours on golf courses I think I know a thing or two about luck. Often, a fraction of an inch separates a great shot from a poor one. A small hop here, a kick off a tree there, or a nudge from a spike-mark can change an acceptable shot into an awful one and visa-versa. Once a golf ball leaves the club face all you can do is hope and pray that the fates treat you kindly. Each shot is more or less half skill, half luck.2

Just to be clear, I do not believe luck to be some grand mystical force. In my mind luck is little more than post-event interpretation. Two different people can experience the same occurence and one of them will find the silver-lining and consider themselves lucky, while the other would curse the result.

Now I know what you are thinking... some people are just “luckier” than others. This may be true, but I believe it has nothing to do with fate or an inate “luckiness” or “unluckiness.” Instead, I think it is more about selective memory and self-seggestion.

All people fall somewhere between naive, irrational optimism on one hand, and obessive negativity on the other. I know people, and I’m sure you do as well, who simply cannot accept a compliment or enjoy their hard-earned success. They make their way through life with a dark cloud above their heads. They are “unlucky” because while they obsess aboout the near misses, bad breaks, and embarrassing follies; they quickly forget moments of good fortune. They think they are “unlucky” and only remember the worst moments.

While a little more rare, I’m sure you also know a few positive or “lucky” individuals. They seem happy and at ease. Good things generally happen to them, and they revel in their success.

I’m always surprised by the strength of the feedback-loop. You get what you expect. So maybe I'm wrong and 7-7-07 will turn out to be one of the “luckiest” days ever to have been married. But I’m not going to bet on it.

Good luck everyone.

1. I do however, believe it is bad idea to talk about winning a bet before it is offical. And as Carol learned over the 4th, I like to load my own dice box when playing Yatzee.

2. Obviously, the better the golfer, the less luck is involved.

"Why Didn't I Think of That?"

I’ve always been fascinated by “idea people.” Like those who came up with Swiffer dusters, disposable razors, or Jamba Juice. These simple ideas have produced millions in profits after they were combined with a good measure of marketing know-how and production capability.

The other day, while I was in line getting my Pomegranate Paradise at Jamba Juice, I couldn’t help thinking how ingenious of an idea Jamba Juice is. You throw up a small counter in a mall, slap in an ice cream cooler and some blenders, hire a few high schoolers at minimum wage, and viola… you crank out gobs of $4-6 smoothies. Each location is a low overhead, high volume cash cow.

I hope I have a ‘eureka moment,’ and create my own million dollar idea.

If I do, I’ll try not to forget the little people.

Why I Blog: Or Why I Stopped Obsessing and Just Wrote

So I did it again. I’ve let The MN Life sit idle for over two weeks. What can I say? My “inspirado” has been missing recently. And I’ve been spending a lot of time helping my cousin rehab one of his rental properties. Apologies to my 4 loyal readers.

I could join the chorus of people condemning Don Imus’ comments about the Rutgers Womens’ Basketball team. (Especially ironic that it happened on the eve of the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson’s integration of MLB) But I’m feeling nostalgic and philosophical. So instead, I’m going to tell you why I blog and what The MN Life means to me.

It all started back in February of 2005. My roommate PW introduced me to The Rocketship. His good friend K-Duck maintained The Rocketship, and PW was an occasional contributor. PW showed me the ins-and-outs of posting. Suddenly, I knew I had to create a blog of my own.

I had kept journals before. In college, I was required to journal for an English Comp class. I still have that notebook. Even though it is filled with nothing but immature ramblings and nonsensical complaints, they are my ramblings and complaints. They stir cherished memories and chronicle drunken nights that otherwise would have been long forgotten.

In March of 2005 I wrote my first post for The MN Life. I was driven by visions of grandeur, an admiration of PW’s posts, and a strong desire to create an outlet for my non-legal musings. I had hoped to create a blog that was not only for my friends, but one that would draw strangers in as well. And right or wrong, I thought that people would be interested in law school anecdotes.

I had a hard time coming up with a witty name that wouldn’t pigeon-hole me. (If I had to do it again I would call The MN Life, The Legal Bogey. A much more apropos name that draws on my two main interests: Law and Golf.) I settled on The MN Life because it was short, simple, and… well it was short and simple. I know it isn’t the best name, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. At this point I’m reluctant to change it.

Like any project, there was a lot of trial and error. With each post I became more comfortable with the Blogspot software. I was in front of my computer for 8+ hours a day during law school which offered me plenty of time to tinker with The MN Life. Blogging was a great distraction during endless hours of professor pontification.

At first I craved any and all attention. I did everything in my power to increase the number of people who read The MN Life. I checked my hit counter incessantly. I’m sure I annoyed many with my endless self-promotion.

When The MN Life turned 1, I knew that I had created something that I could take pride in, regardless of the number of people who read it. Don’t misunderstand; I enjoy getting comments and learning that somebody stopped by The MN Life for the first time. But I have come to realize that ultimately The MN Life is my journal. It forces me to sit down and publish something. It doesn’t even mater what it is, just that I do it. For me, blogging is like law school, the general process is more important than the specific content.

My only regret so far, other than the name, is an ongoing one. The MN Life gives me a forum to praise, rant, and review. I often use it to highlight some of the achievements and moments of my friends’ lives. Unfortunately, anytime you include some, it is hard to not leave others out. There have been many, many post-worthy* moments that I have failed to capture.

Maybe I'll try to become a professional blogger. Then I could spend all day in my underwear debating the relative IQs of John Madden and Brittney Spears. (In light of recent events, it is a silly argument now. In an intellectual knife fight, Brittney is armed with a stick.) I need to find a way to unseat James Lileks. Then I could get pay-d to be the random-blogger-guy in the Twin Cities.

Sometimes, three or four subjects roll around in my head. At others, the creative juices wane, and I need a break. When I re-read my old journals I notice that anytime I tried to write everyday, my entries were tedious, lame, b-o-r-i-n-g crap. It was bad writing. So in order to keep the MN Life fresh and mostly readable, I take an occasional break.

I hope everyone who stops by The MN Life, will swing-by again. I hope I’m still blogging five years from now. I hope to improve my writing. And I will continue to try to make The MN Life worth your while.

That is all.


* Reminds me of Elaine Benes’ famous “sponge-worthy” quote.

A Nice Day for a White Wedding

Last weekend Paula and Joe tied the knot. By every measure it was a smashing success. Despite the torrential snowfalls, everyone was able to make it… eventually.

Paula’s maid of honor and her husband were forced to spend a night in Eau Claire after their car spun-out into a ditch along I-94. Sounded like a pretty hairy situation, they were lucky no other vehicles were nearby. They waited about an hour for the tow-truck, but all things considered it could have been much worse. Blowing and drifting snow covered the roads Thursday night, but by Friday they were mostly clear.

The groom’s dinner was at the Local. We were the first group to use a new private party room just off the main bar area. It was a sweet location for a rehearsal dinner. Low, arched ceilings and dim back lighting created an intimate wine cellar atmosphere. Everyone had some delicious and filling heavy hors d'oeuvres (stuffed mushrooms, kabobs, finger sandwiches and delicious brownies to name a few.) I was very impressed.

The service itself went-off without a hitch. There were some minor disturbances, but nothing that could be said to have spoiled the beautiful ceremony. Even Lucy behaved herself. As Paula said to her after the ceremony, “You were good during the service Lucy. Good, not great, I’ll give you a B+.”

There were a number of refreshing aspects of the wedding. First, I thought it was great that the ceremony and the reception were at the same place. No one had to run around in between. The service started relatively late (4:30), and yet there was plenty of time for an unrushed dinner and reception.

I also enjoyed the non-traditional photographer. She took more cameo shots, which often turn-out better. A good photographer can capture the true emotion of a moment. There was minimal posing in the group shots, just quick efficient photography.

Finally, because it would have created an awkward set-up in the reception room, Joe and Paula decided to forgo the traditional long head table. All the tables were round. This allowed the significant others of the bridal party to sit with the party.

During my brief speech I took the opportunity to needle Joe and Paula a little bit, as well as the Green Bay Packer fans in attendance. (I would guess there was close to a 50/50 split.) I was happy with the response I got from the crowd. I avoided swearing or using hookers in a joke. It went well if I do say so myself.

There was lots of alcohol and dancing. I was a party animal until about 11:15 when the Champagne, Gin and beer all seemed to take effect at the same time. Amber and I lasted until midnight, and left about 5 minutes after Paula and Joe did.

It was a long day: Long on laughs, long on smiles, and long on love. Congrats Joe and Paula.

Careful What You Wish For…

At this time last week in Minneapolis, there were sparse pockets of melting snow. I was dismayed. I wanted some freaking snow. I like the challenge of inclement weather. Nothing adds drama to everyday activities like a good blizzard. It triggers survival mode, it awakens primal instincts. No task is monotonous when “the climate is actively trying to kill you.”

So until the snow started coming down fast and furious last Saturday, Ambular had to endure my bitching and moaning. I was supremely disappointed last Saturday morning when I woke-up to find less than an inch of snow. I was geared-up for an avalanche after listening to the local forecasters talk about the possibility likelihood of a “monster snow storm.” I was angry; I made irrational threats on Paul Douglas’ life.

As Saturday wore-on though, more and more snow fell. I was excited. Ambular, Laura, and I went to David and Carols for their sweet Hawaii 5-0 party. By the time we left all the metro roads were covered with at least 3 inches of snow. Even the free-ways were awash in white.

Everything was going fine until I tried to coax the Malibu into the alley and onto the garage. I had to shovel a path to attempt to gain enough momentum to make it up the slight incline. No luck. No problem, I’ll just try the other end of the alley. Drive to the corner, get stuck. Shovel, rock the Bu out. Get to the other end of the alley, get stuck. Shovel, rock the Bu out.

At this point it is 2:30 in the morning and my excitement is quickly being replaced with frustration. I come to grip with the fact that my car will have to spend the night on the street. I pick-out a spot near the alley entrance and shovel a spot for it. After a little maneuvering I get the Bu into its temporary home. And trudge home and collapse into bed.

Since then it has been nothing but a lot of shoveling. Another snow-dump this weekend, and I’ve had enough snow for the year.

Casino Royal: Super Human Bond with Super Great Bonus Narration

Last night Amber and I went to Casino Royal. All in all, we gave it 4 thumbs-up. Good pacing, believable villains, and terrific action scenes. Daniel Craig brought a rough, slightly depressed Bond to the screen; quite a contrast to Pierce Brosnan’s spit-shinned version. The more muted, yet still heroic Bond worked well in Casino Royal.

As an added bonus we had Ma and Pa Obvious behind us. Ma and Pa Obvious, a middle aged couple, found it necessary to share their thoughts with those of us unlucky enough to sit next to them. They made no attempt to whisper. During the chase scenes, every stunt was accompanied by a loud gasp or comment. And the comments were decidedly infantile. During the poker scenes Ma Obvious would give her analysis of the cards as they fell.

2, 6, 5 on the flop

“Oh, those are bad cards.” Ma remarked.

K, Q, J, K

“Wow, now those are good cards.” She later blurted out.

I almost turned around and said, “Depends on what you have in your hand. Now shut-up!” I didn’t because I’m as passive aggressive as they come. (Being raised Lutheran in Minnesota will do that to you) So I just shot them my dirtiest, dirty looks. But Ma and Pa continued to give obvious commentary, undaunted by my best dirty looks.

For some reason I’ve run into a lot of lousy movie neighbors recently. And my “are you going to shut-up or am I going to have to move” looks have been less than effective. Maybe there are more rude people at the movies on the weekend. I don’t know, but it is sucking the joy out of my movie-going experience.

Old School Scents

As a newly minted attorney, without a job yet, I fell like this Old Spice commercial is taunting me. It’s on ESPN, it’s on the major networks, it’s everywhere I turn. Do the executives at Old Spice really expect Old Spice to make a comeback?

Marketing Old Spice to “the more experienced” among us makes sense. I don’t know too many people under the age of 35 who use Old Spice. (Using their deodorant is one thing, splashing on Old Spice cologne is another.) My dad used to use it, but even he has moved-on to other scents.

I’m sure there are plenty of life-long Old Spice users out there who will never wear a different cologne. But can the marketing department really expect members of the Axe / Tag / Metro-sexual generation to start wearing a musky scent? Seems unlikely.

I don’t seek reader input very often, but I would appreciate it if you would post a comment and give me your opinion on Old Spice. Men: Your age and if you use it. Women: Do you like the smell of it?

Freezing Fun

Last weekend, as if it wasn’t cold enough in the Twin Towns, I ventured further north for Joe B’s bachelor party. Going into the weekend, Joe, Josh, Jake, Mike, Lance, Damo, and I knew that we were going to be stuck in the cabin for the bulk of our time on the north shore. No skiing or snowshoeing for us. We were all a little disappointed. Nevertheless, we took full advantage of our time inside.

Even though we were stuck inside the weekend was a great time. We all got to indulge in our various vices, play cards, and watch a string of man-flicks. Fight Club, Big Lebowski, Spinal Tap, and Caddyshack were all, as always, fun to watch. Often you need a weekend away or other special occasion to dust-off the classics.

Some of us also got to engage in a rock’em-sock’em game of Risk. If we had been able to venture outside we never would have been able to finish the game. Like Monopoly, to play Risk properly, you need at least 4 people who are stuck together for an extended period of time. Lanny took home the win, and yours truly came in second. (He took Australia on the first turn and never lost it. I started in South America, moved into Africa, but couldn’t hold either of them long-enough to pull-off a victory.)

Lake Superior steamed all weekend long. It looked like a fantasy or sci-fi movie backdrop. On Saturday a few of us made our one substantial venture outside of the cabin to walk down to the lakefront. The frozen water flows and instantly freezing spray were spectacular. A couple people offered money to anyone willing to jump into the 34-35 degree water, but there were no takers. The thought of it sent shivers down my spine.

Good times.

Visa is a Liar

Visa has been running this commercial a lot lately. And it annoys me to no end. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but the new trend of using your check-card for everything is a pet-peeve of mine.

Check-cards have made some transactions quicker, no doubt about it. And they have made checks virtually obsolete. No longer must we wait in line at a grocery store while someone balances their checkbook instead of bagging their groceries. But to insinuate that check-cards are faster than cash is just silly.

How many times have you been out with a group of friends for dinner or drinks, you get the check and 7 people throw check-cards down. Not a problem if the bill can be split evenly. But that doesn’t work when I order the fillet mignon and someone else just has drinks. So the poor waitperson has to try to keep 7 different portions separate and run 7 different cards through. Inevitably there is a mistake and a second or third trip is required. This is not a very efficient process.

The pervasive use of check-cards also has an untoward effect on the hospitality industry. If a patron tips on their check-card, a paper trail prevents servers from deciding how much of their tips they are going to claim. I’m not advocating tax dodging, I only point this out to say that you tip isn’t worth as much when you put it on your card. And how do you tip valets or sky-caps with check cards?

With the ubiquitousness of ATMs is it really that hard to keep a little cash in your pocket? If you are heading out for a night, is it that inconvenient to stop at a cash machine? On behalf of hospitality workers everywhere, I ask that everyone make an effort to carry a little cash with them. Besides if you try it, you just might like it.

Personally, I like keeping a little bit of green in my pocket. It makes my life easier. And I will continue to carry cash (in addition to my check-card) until the neighborhood kids’ lemonade stand takes Visa.