Make America Proud...Please

Has Anyone Seen This Man? 

Dear President Bush,

You are not Ronald Regan. You are a sincere and earnest leader, but unfortunately you do not posses the ability to stir the emotions of the American people. President Regan conjured-up images of hope and strength, while you can only create feelings of doubt and suspicion. I often wonder about your motives.

While I'm sure most Americans, in their heart of hearts, see you as a good man, just as many are dismayed by your leadership. Please level with us. Show the world that you are thinking through the moral quagmires that war so often produces. Stop trying to sell us with rehearsed speeches in front of sympathetic audiences. Prove to this nation (and the world) that you are smarter than we all think.

Mr. President, the reputation of the United States is tarnished. Restore the radiance, patch those foreign relations that have been stressed, and pave the way for global cooperation. The United States could once again be a monument of integrity and hope. Only with help will we be able to aid the creation of a stable Iraq. We must not, we cannot, continue to go it alone.

America has many enemies, and your bare-knuckle style is not helping. Nobody likes a bully. I agree, sometimes you need to hit, but would it kill you to put a velvet glove on once in a while? I do not think I'm asking for much. Just be willing to listen and be able to admit mistakes. (If not publicly, at least to yourself)

Sincerely,

An American Citizen

My Symphony No. 9

The local authorities did not appreciate my celebration.  

I finally broke 80. Four years of playing golf at least once a week has paid-off. Double hockey sticks: 77, my career low round by at least six strokes.

Monday June 20, 2005 is one of those days that I will remember for the rest of my life. Those that play golf understand, and for everyone else I will try to put it in perspective.

Breaking 80 is better than:
1. Hitting a homerun in a recreational softball game
- A homerun is only a fleeting moment, 77 will live-on in my stories.
2. Getting an A on a law school final
- Close call, but someday my grades will not mean anything; 77 is forever.
3. Getting your first kiss
- A first kiss is memorable, but only because it was an awkward moment
4. Having a winning night at the blackjack table
- This assumes my usual $5 bets, and the fact that you have to spend time in a casino
5. A home cooked meal by mom
- Also a close one, but come-on it’s a 77
6. Christmas

I'm So Lazy

Does my finger smell funny to you? 

So its been awhile, I know. Summer gets like that. Is it the nice weather, the more relaxed work expectations, an increase in planned social gatherings, or the general malaise that summer creates? Your humble author thinks that’s it’s a combination of the above factors.
During the school year it was easy to hammer-out a post or five a week. There always was some sort of school work that I was trying to avoid - and blogging is a great form of procrastination. Besides, it doesn’t take much to compete with Statutory Interpretation reading.
Because it would be almost impossible to write a long coherent post, I will attempt to entertain you with some short random thoughts I had over the last week or so.

1. Mike Tyson is officially done. After losing to some poor journeyman schmuck he needs to hang it up permanently. I’ve had many opinions about Tyson over the years, now all I feel is pity.
2. Ding-dong Bolton’s dead. Everyone’s favorite scandalous Senate majority leader Dr. Bill Frist decided today to not schedule anymore votes on John “The Hammer” Bolton’s nomination as U.N. ambassador. Can I get-ta hell-ya?
(Stopped here at 9 a.m.)
(Restarted around 4 p.m.)
3. Oh, but that was this morning. Frist met with Bush (probably for lunch), and now he has vowed to push for a floor vote on Bolton’s nomination. See what happens when Republicans speak without calling the official republican party talking points hotline first. Here’s some bacon to go with the egg on the face Frist-y. Ah those republicans, always ‘flip-flopping,’ never sticking to their decisions.
4. I recommend to everyone to check-out Comedy Central’s website (www.comedycentral.com). The best feature, you can watch clips from “The Daily Show with John Stewart.” That man is a freaking comedic genius. This is a great way to stay caught-up on one of my favorite shows without having to keep a TV schedule around. How did I get by before the internet again?
5. The Twins will be fine. In fact, I would still bet on them to win the AL central for the fourth consecutive time.
6. Unfortunately I missed most of the U.S. Open, but I was so glad to hear that Tiger didn’t win. Not that I think he’s a bad guy, but I think that it is better for the long-term health of golf if he doesn’t win every major tournament.
7. The storm that rolled through the Twin Cities on Monday afternoon was crazy. It was dark as night, the streets were flooded, and tree branches were falling. All it needed was Charlton Heston on a hill with stone tablets to complete the end-of-times feel.
8. I wish I could be in three places at the same time - all the time.
9. Waunakee, Wisconsin is a beautiful place - visit it if you get the chance.
10. The best part of my job? I get to read police reports. You couldn’t even make most of the stuff I read up. I wonder how some of these people make it through their daily lives. And I don’t mean that in a condescending-sort-of-way, it is more of a shock-and-awe reaction. I seriously wonder.
11. Spaceballs is one of the best parodies of all time.

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists

"Alright here's the deal. I'm the leader of this band. So you (points) have to have crazy hair, and you (points at other guy) have to wear a turn-of-the-century bankrobber's beard. If that doesn't work for you, hit the skids pal-lys." 

Sorry

I'm sorry for not posting as often recently, but hey it's summer and you probably don't read as often either...so there.

Anyway I'm off to see Ted Leo and the Pharmacists at First Ave tonight, so check back tomorrow night for a recap of the festivities.

While I try to bring inspired tripe, reckless tedium, and clever chatter, sometimes I just don't have anything to say.

Again, I extend my offer to you...if you have a comment/beef/rant/need to brag/itch to scratch, I'll publish it. Besides your probably more interesting than me.

Gone & Hit

A close approximation of the type of damage inflicted on the Bu.  

Item #1:

The other day I was going through some of my favorite links on my old computer. Some were nostalgic blasts from the past, others were reminders of interests lost, and one was a great site forever gone.

http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~dcushman/Peacemakers/

This link used to bring me to an impressively put together o-mage to one of my favorite bands: Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. And one of my favorite features was a comprehensive list of guitar tabs for their songs. Whoever was responsible for putting the site together paid attention to every detail, absolutely loved the band, and (judging by the "uoregon.edu" in the address) was a college student with a lot of free-time to devote to the creation and upkeep of a good website. It is such a shame, considering all the hours of work that were spent chronicling a vast collection of facts, pictures, and tabs.

Item #2:

I need some advice. I had to attend a 2 hour 'diversity training' at St. Thomas, it was mandatory for all St. Paul city employees. On the way home, in order to avoid traffic, I was attempting to improvise my way on back-roads. As I drove north on Cretin, I noticed that the road ended about 2 blocks ahead. I decided to make a left turn into a parking lot, turn around, and continue on my way. A white Nissan Pathfinder had turned into the same lot just ahead of me. I followed it into the lot at safe distance when it suddenly stopped in the middle of the driveway/entrance of the lot and started backing-up. I pounded on my horn... but to no avail CRUNCH.

So I pull into the lot and survey the damage. Nothing major, just a large scratch on the lens of the headlight and a couple of half inch gashes on the tip of the front quarter-panel. The woman who hit me was nice enough; she apologized and gave me her insurance info.

Now, what do I do? While the Bu (see: "111,111" March Archive) is not a new car, I do love her as much as one can realistically love an inanimate object. The damage is just cosmetic so it’s not necessary to fix, but on the other hand this was not even a little bit my fault. The Bu's assailant admitted that she knew better than to back-up without looking.

What would Jesus/Eric Estrada/Brain Boytano/you do?

Sleepy City Sidewalks

Here Comes the Sun... 

What is it about Sunday mornings that feels so relaxing? Sunday mornings, more than any other time of the week, are slow and easy. There is no need to rush anywhere, no alarm, nothing but papers and coffee cups.

Even as a child I noticed that Sunday mornings had a very different aura. Church, large brunches, and family were constants in my formative years. These factors transformed Sundays into a revered time of the week.

Modern Americans rarely take time to slow down, but there is an almost universal recognition that Sunday mornings are different. It is the only time of the week that most places of business are not open. Few non-family related phone calls are made during Sunday mornings.

I, for one, hope that they always stay this way.

Interesting Sunday Fact that I Bet You Didn’t Know:

In the late 19th century Evanston, Illinois, nicknamed "Heavenston" by Frances Willard, was a Methodist-minded town, so pious that the town fathers, resenting the dissipating influence of the soda fountain, passed an ordinance forbidding the sale of ice cream sodas on Sunday. Some ingenious confectioners, obeying the law, served ice cream with syrup but no soda. This sodaless soda was the Sunday soda, and became so popular that orders for "Sundays" crossed the counter everyday of the week. When objection was raised to christening the dish after the Sabbath, the spelling was changed to Sundae, and so developed one of America's most characteristic dishes.

William Lyon Phelps (quotationspage.com)

Ranting Randomness

Do people get an ego-boost from explaining menial tasks to others in an overly tedious fashion? A clerical staff member I work with seems to get some sort of joy out of it.

I admit, being the new-guy puts me at the bottom of the knowledge totem-pole, but once I’ve been told how to do something once... I get it. Please do not tell me three (3!) times that I need to use green highlighter on a certain entry. Don’t explain the difference between green and yellow highlighters twice in the span of 3 minutes. I mean seriously. If that is how you inflate your ego – you’ve got issues, and if that is all the faster your mind moves – then it’s a wonder you’ve made it this far.

Sorry just a little tired today and patience is a scarce commodity on a good day.

Interesting fact that may only interest me:*

New Vikings owner Zygi Wilf listed his favorite TV shows in a 6-2-05 Pioneer Press article:

"I'm a big 'Seinfeld' fan,'' Wilf said. "I like 'West Wing.' I always love watching 'Law and Order,' 'The Sopranos' and 'Curb Your Enthusiasm.' ''
If he had said he had every episode of "Punky Brewster" on DVD, it might be cause for concern. But he seems to know good comedy and good drama.

If one’s taste in TV shows is any barometer, then Zygi “Triple Word Score”* Wilf will be a great owner.

* Stolen idea from Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback column on SI.com.

When I'm Sixty-Four

“Oh, no not me. It’ll never happen to me. No-way, no-how, I’ll never be lame like that.” These words could have very well come out of my mouth circa 2002. The thought of not spending every night possible out on the town, drinking like a fool, shaking my money-maker, and chasing girls was just blasphemous. Especially when you have a job and you’re making enough green to afford to go to The Lounge or Escape on a regular basis.

The blessed naivety of youth, how wonderful and yet wrong you were.

Having reached the age of 26 I’ve come to hold a few strong opinions about the night-life of the Twin Cities specifically, and night-life more generally. In no particular order here are my humble opinions:

1. Only in extreme circumstances (old, dear friend in town with a dying wish) will I be found in places like “Bella Noté,” “Tonic,” or any other over-priced / over-hyped establishment.

2. There is nothing I like more than having 6-10 friends over to drink and talk. Plain and simple, I like to drink and talk with people I like.

3. I am going deaf. (too many concerts during afore mentioned naive youth) So accomplishing #2 is getting harder and harder in bars and clubs.

4. The nights I remember from last few years all took place in a non-pretentious, dive-y, stiff drink pourn’ kind of establishment.

5. Every weekday night, bars have to compete in a steel cage death match with my couch for my attention. My couch fights dirty.

6. There are few things I hate more than constantly elbowing my way through a bar.

7. There are few things better than getting a large table for your whole party.

8. But #7 does you no good if the service is lousy.

9. Happy-hour is one of the greatest inventions ever... period.

10. It is damn near impossible to get 10 people together any more, my friends don’t get urges to go out on the same night it seems.

11. Paradoxically, it seems that my married friends go out more than my single ones.

12. Not surprisingly, it takes me twice as long to recover from a night out now, than it did when I was 22.

13. Drinking at home = no drunk-driving ticket

14. There are still a number of wonderful bars in the city that lure and entice me out during the week.


I guess that is my two cents for the day, anything I missed?