Forever in Blue Jeans

I hate shopping for pants, jeans especially. I’ve been lucky enough to spend roughly 90% of my waking life in jeans. Therefore, I’m more than a little particular about my jean specifications. And the older I get, the harder it is to find a decent pair of jeans.

Monday I spent 2+ hours at the Rosedale Mall, and by the Rosedale Mall I mean the whole damn mall. I covered the department stores and all the trendy high-schoolish shops in between. I was on a mission; I bounced from the racks to fitting rooms with reckless abandon.

While at Marshal Fields, I wondered if President Bush was shopping. A number of the salespeople in Menswear appeared to be no-so-undercover Secret Service officers. They were decked-out in black suits with Federal agent style earpieces and radios. (One, even sported MIB shades to complete the look.) Who knew retail could look so dangerous?

A little later, I was enjoying hassle-free shopping at Express (surprising enough) and found a pair of clearance jeans to try-on. I found salesperson and she unlocked the fitting room. I had just pulled my pants down when I hear the door shake and the salesperson announce:

“Here are a couple of T-shirts on sale right now… 2 for $29.95.”

Now I’m not a prude, but is it appropriate to up-sell to a person while his or her pants are down?

I moved on…

At the Buckle I realized one of my worst fears: I’m officially old. (or maybe just fat, either way its not good) Like most of my shopping endeavors I wandered in and began fumbling-through the stacks of jeans. A blonde teenage salesperson approached me and asked if she could help me find anything.

“No I’m fine, just looking around thank you.” I replied.

“Well, up here in the front are all the slim fit pants.” Blondie continues: “As you go further toward the back, there are jeans with a fuller-leg-fit.” (Motioning toward the back, as if to say I should look back there. I perceived just a hint of condescension in her voice)
Great… either I’ve officially become old or am fat according to “The Buckle standard.”

So I waddled to the back, only to find that torn jeans now sell for $80 a pair. This struck me as ironic. Over the weekend I put a hole in one of my favorite pairs of jeans, which prompted my trip to the mall in the first place.

This gave me an idea. If they whole “lawyer-thing” doesn’t work out, I’ve discovered a new profession…I’ll become a “Professional Jeans-wearer.”

I’ll buy cheap “plain” jeans, wear them for a couple of months, and turn-around and sell them at a 100% mark-up. A rock-solid business plan, don’t you think? I mean what could possibly go wrong? I’ll be a millionaire in no time.

In the end I found a pair of DKNY jeans (without holes) for $19.99 at Herberger’s. And there was much rejoicing… yay.