My Bumper Votes Democratic

Piss on You... 

(Editors note: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the first post for Am-bÜ-lar. (aka Amber) If this first post is any indication of her abilities, I hope she graces this space with a post now and then. Thanks cutie.

If anyone else has any burning rants, jokes, commentaries, hopes, dreams, etc., let me know. (Read: I’m lazy, and I know I’m not always that interesting…so help.)

Any way, with no further a-do…


Yesterday I spotted a “Perot 92” bumper sticker on the freeway, and it startled me out of my commuter daze and got me to thinking about how inane bumper stickers really are. Now, I’ve been amused by the occasional “Visualize Whirled Peas” (because I have such a super sophisticated sense of humor), or found myself nodding in agreement to a “If You’re Not Outraged, You’re Not Paying Attention” (because I’m a bleeding heart liberal, want to make something of it?). However, overall, I believe sticking statements on your ride is a bad idea in general.

For one thing, it totally dates you. No one may necessarily notice that your vehicle is approaching its 15th birthday, but if you’ve got a “Bush-Quayle” sticker on your fender, someone’s going to notice. You could attempt to remove the sticker but it’s really a matter of whether you’d rather have a bumper sticker or the unsightly, tell-tale residue of a bumper sticker, which is kind of white trash.

Another reason to avoid bumper stickers is that they don’t make people want to be your friend. I have no issues with people expressing their opinions openly, but when you advertise them with trite slogans, you generally just piss people off. I can be friends with someone who has different ideas and values than I do, but if all I know about a person is that their bumper sticker reads “Are You Following Jesus This Closely?” I’m going to draw unflattering conclusions about him.

The biggest reason I choose not to advertise my beliefs on my vehicle is that I do not want to be the victim of road rage. I don’t think that road rage is acceptable behavior, but I’ve been tempted more than once to rear-end someone who was sporting a big “W 04” on their pickup. I think the citizens of this nation are so ideologically divided and such impatient drivers, that the combination could be deadly.

Of course, if anyone can tell me where to find a “No Fear” decal or anything that features Calvin pissing, would you let me know?